Friday, February 27, 2004

Transcript of message from Simon... Still stuck in 1979 - but intending to try and get, either home or back to the correct year sometime this weekend. Nearly met myself on the set of Empire Strikes Back earlier... Could have been very nasty. Off to have tea with ABBA - more soon... xxx

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Transcript of message from Simon...

Having trouble getting home...

It's very dark here in 1979...

Oh... Just a mo - found the light switch!

Much better...

xxx

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

NO SIGN OF SIMON...

I'm worried now...

GULP!!!

Shy xx

Monday, February 02, 2004

Hi Shy here...

Simon is due back later today but he did send a inter-time/space fax whilst he's been away. He has found - although may not be able to bring back this journey the following items:


Dr Who - Moonbase episode 1.

"It has cybermen in it so I'm considering just using it as a book end... Is this one still missing?"


Hancock's 24 Hours...

Pilot show which was written by Hancock himself after he parted company with Galton and Simpson - was to have been screened on Xmas Day 1961 - but every body choose to visit the Blood Bank that day and even Tony Hancock found it boring. Apparently he suggested filming a sequel several years later which involved him slagging off his own performance on "24 hours..." - but at half speed - it would have been called Hancock's 48 Hours...


A pilot episode of the Wombles where the Wombles look like yeti - it's makes me all "tingly" seeing them like that.

A pilot episode for The Avengers with Frankie Howard as John Steed.

FAX ENDS...

Hopefully he'll have found something else and brought it back - but we don't know as yet... Apparently he ended up in Munich in 1979 and it wasn't exactly quite as far back as he'd hoped...

More tomorrow.

Shy xxx

Friday, January 30, 2004

Hello...

Shy here... I have a statement to post here, which is from Simon and reads as follows...

"...As of lunchtime today, Friday 30th January 2004... I endeavour to make my first journey in my new time machine. I am aiming for somewhere around 1972 - or failing that 1974 as according to my records these are the last years that copies of Web Of Fear or Abominable Snowman are known to have existed... Hopefully I will return and report back to you early next week... I will be travelling alone as Ruth Madoc is busy rehearsing for a play and isn't feeling up to the journey... Best wishes, Simon xx"

GULP!!!!

I'm sure we all wish Simon the best of luck...

As I write, he has just left the building and is heading for his garden shed - he has entered the shed and closed the door...

... a minute passes...

The shed appears to be shaking - there is smoke pouring from inside...

OH GOODNESS!!!!

The shed has vanished!!!

Shy xx

TO BE CONTINUED...

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Goodness!

Greetings all...

I've had a rather odd weekend - infact in many ways it was my first experience of time travel. Into the future...
I had some scrumpy on friday evening and the next thing I remember it's sunday morning and I'm upside down with my fur shaved to a grade 3 (ooo chilly - hope it grows back quick!) and all covered in honey. That's what you get from a night out with Atomic Kitten...

Darn them and their wicked ways...

As for furthering my travels into the past - I had a long meeting with Bernard and Ruth, Val, Pam and Russ the other afternoon and I'm planning on making a trial trip out later this week...

Lots to do for now though - nuts to turn and bolts to screw...

More tomorrow one hopes...

Best wishes to you,

Simon xxx

Friday, January 23, 2004

Hello bears and girls...

How are things? HAPPY NEW YEAR...

Greetings to you, from me - Simon...

I've been very busy, as you may have heard from Shy... The return of the missing Dalek episode has spurred me on - and having spoken to my good friends Pam Ayres and Val Doonigan last night and *also* to the grumpy one off On The Buses I feel I am making the right decision. But it was Ruth Madoc who really made me think...

"Go on love..." she said, "If you want something badly enough then you've just got to go and do it..."

"Even if it might be dangerous or foolish..."

"Especially then, darlin'..."

"Well - I suppose so, Ruth..." I nodded as she served me up a lovely pancake and handed me some joyous runny treacle to go on top.

"What is it you most want in ALL the world?"

"The return of the missing 108 episodes of Dr Who - or failing that - the missing 10 that I'm in..."

"Well go find them..."

"...But they're missing..."

"Well go looking..."

"But it's not that easy..."

Ruth smiled at me cannily," Come on Simon - I spoke to Russ Abbott the other day and I know what you're planning... Those tapes may be missing NOW - but they weren't back in the past..."

I blushed, "Well - of course... They weren't..."

"SO BUILD A TIME MACHINE BOYO! LIKE I HAVE TO ADVISE YOU ON THAT!"

"I don't know what you mean, Ruth..."

"Shy tells me you've been busy down the garden shed all week - come on - spill the beans..."

"Okay..." I said... "I HAVE been building a Time machine - but it's not finished yet..."

Ruth just smiled, "Well - you just get it finished then fella - and when it's ready then you tell me - cos I'm sure there's a least one missing episode of my pre-HI DE HI career that I wouldn't mind saving..."

"Okay Ruth..." I said, "I'll let you know..."

So - there you have it - that's what I've been up to...

Listen - I have to go - I've got Bernard Cribbins coming around in a bit to recommend what paint to use on the outside my new toy and then Rula Lenska and Floella Benjamin want me to go to bingo later - so I'm dead busy...

But I'll post again soon...

Now you just keep it under your hats now won't you - about this time travel malarky... Cos I'm not sure it's legal and some one else might get the same idea as me and then try and cause trouble. Anyway...

HUGS AND LOVE

SIMON YETI xxxx

Thursday, January 22, 2004

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!! :-)

Shy here...

Simon's been very busy since getting back to a more normal pace of life... He's been going to auditions and everything and has been keeping his furry ear to the ground re: the casting of the new Doctor for the revigorated 2005 return of Dr Who. Although, he fears he has missed out on the title role... ("How can you expect to get anywhere if you're up against stars like Theakston and Brian Cant and that bloke who played Geoffrey off Rainbow!!" ) he is still hoping that he will be cast as a yeti - or maybe even as a yeti companion...

Other than that Simon has won himself a part in a touring production of HAIR which is due to be performed in the Spring and has done voiceovers for a couple of shampoo adverts.

"Tell them, that I am also writing my memoirs..." he told me, only this very morning.

Having not totally got to the nub of what went on in Vegas I am hoping at some point he'll write a full account of the adventure - but I feel it is now best left in the past...

Oh yes - and I expect a lot of heard about the return of one of the missing 1960s episodes of Who just last week. Episode 2 of Dalek Masterplan from 1965... Click on the link below for further detail...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/doctorwho/news/cult/news/drwho/2004/01/15/8897.shtml

Alas, Simon was exactly over the moon - having hoped that should anything return, then at least it would be something from either The Abominable Snowmen or Web of Fear.

"Bloody typical..." he moaned to me, "As if the Dalek's didn't have enough of their stories still in existance..."

Which is a tad unfair as at least 2 and three quarters of their 6 60s appearances are no longer in existance either... Still I suppose I can see what he's getting at...

"It's a scam - somebody's trying to have a laugh..." he muttered as he headed off to tea with Val Doonigan and Pam Ayres.

Since then I'm afraid he been rather busy in his tool shed... Apparently he has come up with some plan or other to sort out getting hold of all those missing episodes... Bless!

Well - hopefully I'll get him infront of a keyboard in the next couple of days and he can tell you about it himself...

All the best and may 2004 bring you much furriness!

Love Shy xxx

Thursday, December 25, 2003

SHY: Simon - have you finished in there yet?

SIMON: ZZZZZZZZZZZ...

SHY: I'll take that as a no then...

SIMON: ZZZZZZZZZZZ....

SHY: I have some Christmas dinner here and it won't push under the door... I'm going to have to eat it myself...

SIMON: WHAT? WHERE? WHEN...

*SMASH! CRASH! BANG*

The toilet door is smashed aside...

SHY: Ooooo - butch...

SIMON: I'm here now - where's me dinner...

SHY: You're gonna have to pay for that damage...

SIMON: Shut it Shy or I'm going to have to eat you...

SHY: Follow me - dinner is served...

SIMON: HAPPY CHRISTMAS READERS...

SHY: You're not supposed to do that - who do you think you are - William Hartnell...

SIMON: Oooo show us yer baubles...

THERE WILL BE MORE FROM SIMON AND SHY IN THE NEW YEAR...

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

SHY: Did it confuse you that there was somebody sitting opposite you saying he was Simon... Was your Sherbert Fur personality still dominant?

SIMON: Not really - I knew something was up... I was beginning to lose grip of all reality...

SHY: You spoke to me for a few minutes though - as if nothing was wrong - as if had never heard that Simon had been reported dead...

SIMON: I may have thought you were a ghost...

SHY: It left you nowhere to go didn't it? Because if you were beginning to realise that you weren't Sherbert - there was I - made up to look like Simon and yet you were Simon - which meant - well...

SIMON: It meant I became even more confused...

SHY: You set fire to the table cloth...

SIMON: I set fire to Las Vegas, baby...

SHY: (laughs) Errrr - yeah - you did rather...

SIMON: Celene Dion was not happy...

SHY: Errr no... But that's a GOOD thing...

SIMON: Shy...

SHY: Yeah?

SIMON: How much longer until they come and get me out of this lavatory?

SHY: Soon Simon... Soon...

Friday, December 12, 2003

*SIMON YETI HAS BEEN TRAPPED IN THE GENTS BY A YOUNG FURBALL DOING A VERY POOR IMPERSONATION OF THE LOCH NESS MONSTER... WE WILL HOPEFULLY RESUME OUR INTERVIEW WITH HIM EARLY NEXT WEEK... (SIMON, THAT IS, NOT THE FURBALL...) *

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

SHY: So Simon... You remember being in San Francisco...

SIMON: Hmm... Moot point... I remember Fur being in San Fran - it's like having someone else's memories... That was him there and not me...

SHY: Fair enough... And do you remember meeting me there?

SIMON: Not meeting you - but meeting someone who claimed to be be Fur's friend... Somehow, I don't know why - but I wasn't able to recognise you because I wasn't Simon, your friend...

SHY: ...And in Vegas... You were going more and more off the rails... You'd already been arrested in San Fran - but then after I tried to hypnotise you...

SIMON: I'm not sure that was your best move... I think it sent me screwy...

SHY: Ahhh... Well I was at a loss WHAT to do...

SIMON: Don't worry Shy... It had to happen - and then you came to Vegas too...

SHY: Yes...

SIMON: ...And you dressed up just like Simon Yeti and you went and visited me and you introduced yourself and said you were me - err - Simon...

SHY: I did...

SIMON: ...And you said that you hadn't died...

SHY: ...And how did that feel...

SIMON: Oh well - that was when I began to go REALLY screwy...

SHY: Yes...

SIMON: Can we talk about this some more later - I really need a wee...

SHY: Okay...

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

SHY: Good morning Simon...

SIMON: Good morning...

SHY: What do you want to talk about...

SIMON: I want to talk about Las Vegas and what happened there...

SHY: Here in your cell?

SIMON: If I am free to go and all charges have been dropped then maybe we could go somewhere more comfortable...

SHY: Fine... Fine... That can be arranged... You are allowed to leave - the Doctor's have spoken to the authorities and... errr... well - someone rather important spoke up for you...

SIMON: Really... Not Lizzy?

SHY: Yes...

SIMON: Awwww... Darling Liz... She and Margo and I used to frollick in the Windsor fields during the Summer holidays... She is a brick... Shall we go?

SHY: Okay Simon...

SIMON: I could murder a hot chocolate...

Monday, December 08, 2003

SHY: Simon... How have you been...

SIMON: Good Shy...

SHY: Do you want to speak today?

SIMON: Maybe later, Shy...

SHY: Will you be staying in your cell? You know you can go free if you want to...

SIMON: I will stay here... I have been very upset...

SHY: Well you just take your time, Simon...

SIMON: I will, Shy... I will... I'll talk to you later... Come back in the morning....

SHY: Okay Simon... See you then...

Friday, December 05, 2003

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! AHEM!!

*cough*

*cough*


LALALALALALALALALALA!

*ahem*

Thursday, December 04, 2003

SIMON PUSHES A NOTE OUT UNDER THE DOOR OF HIS CELL...

IT READS: I SHALL ALLOW MYSELF TO BE INTERVIEWED AGAIN EARLY NEXT WEEK...

I INTEND TO SPEAK ABOUT LAS VEGAS...

PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE TIL THEN...

SIMON x

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

SIMON YETI STILL REFUSES TO COME OUT OF HIS CELL AND IS CURRENTLY PLAITING HIS FUR INTO PIG TAILS...

Monday, December 01, 2003

SIMON YETI IS INCOMMUNICARDO AND REFUSES TO COME OUT OF HIS CELL - HAVING RECEIVED VERY UPSETTING NEWS IN A LETTER FROM IAN THE POSTMAN.

CURRENTLY HE WILL ONLY CRY AND MAKE RUMBLING NOISES LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER...

Friday, November 28, 2003

TRANSCRIPT OF PHONECALL WITH SIMON YETI FROM SLADE PRISON

Shy: How are you feeling Simon?

Simon: Officially I am very depressed and keen to get out of here. Unofficially I am quite enjoying some of the shower room perks and also the fact that there is a great vat of moonshine being brewed in one of the boiler rooms.

Shy: Isn't that a bit Prisoner Cell Block H?

Simon: Oooo - absolutely but then I'm a great fan of Prisoner... Infact I was up for the role of "The Freak" before they decided they wanted a woman - and not a furry yeti in the role...

Shy: Their loss...

Simon: Well - not really Maggie Kirkpatrick did such a great job and I got the role of an underworld boss who was eventually smothered by Bea Smith's breasts - toasted in the Press - half drowned in one of the washers - before being left to rot in the ventilation shafts... Did my own stunts too you know...

Shy: Well done... Listen Simon, we know you can't talk about what happened when you were in Vegas but do you feel positive that the authorities will side in your favour due to the accident.

Simon: Oh - I dunno... I'm sure they'll do whatever is most dramatic... Hey - I've got to go - there's a Kangeroo Court happening in 10 minutes and I don't wanna miss it... Call you in a day or so...

Shy: But aren't they bailing you tomorrow...

Simon: Oh no love - I've asked them to defer - I'm having too much fun here... (sounds of pips going to sign money running out) Byeeeee...

CLUNK.

END OF CONVERSATION.